em's blog: Ern Chee's birthday..

so, i had a "mixed up" week.. dont know what i'm feeling at this point of time.. guess i just wanna go to sleep and never wake up.. so tired of everything.. so tired of people asking me how i'm feeling, what i'm feeling and why i'm feeling like that.. for crying out loud!! they are feelings!! feelings.. things that you feel.. how the hell do you know why you feel something.. you just do.. grrr.. why don't people understand that? why don't people wanna accept my decisions? why do people wanna question my decisions? and why do they keep telling me that i'll regret it when i know that i wont.. ugh! ok.. enough drama.. haha.. so, it was dear Ern Chee's birthday on friday.. so our lifegroup decided to surprise her at her place with a cake and singing at midnight.. but that didn't really go as planned cos she was in the shower till 12.10 la!! haha.. but anyway.. we still surprised her.. haha.. wilson got her flowers.. which looked A LOT like carnations.. haha.. but apparantly they aren't.. we stayed there till about 1.. oh! and i just have to give God the glory for this.. i dropped my phone at home on thursday evening, and some of the wires must have got disconnected inside the phone, cos it couldn't ring.. it would just vibrate.. and i use my phone as an alarm clock.. with just over a month till i go back home, i really didn't wanna get a phone from here.. anyways.. i prayed that God would let my phone work, and He fixed it.. cos the next morning the alarm rang!! i'm sooo happy and grateful.. thank you Jesus!! :) here are the pics from us crashing Ern Chee's place.. hmm.. i've never had a surprise party in my entire life la.. so sad... :( oh well...

the cake.. yum!!

us hiding in the room, waiting for ern chee to finish her shower..

SURPRISE!!!

happy birthday hun!!

birthday wishes from your lifegroup..

Ern Chee and her stalker!! lol..

HAPPY BITHDAY ONCE AGAIN SWEETIE..

we had International Student's Meeting on Friday.. it was good.. but it made me miss my own church back home.. that is the first church that i attended regularly.. i spent my teenage years there.. and i have sooo many fond memories there.. the friendships i've made, the girls who became as close to me as sisters, and the guys as brothers.. we really have an awesome SHINE family!! and i feel so sad i am no longer part of it.. :( seeing the youth here each week just reminds me so much of what i've left behind.. when i look at how close the girls are here i think of my girlfriends back home.. i miss all of you soooo much.. more than you'll ever know.. jie jie, sterls, shell, hannah, alicia, manda and abbie.. i miss u guys!! thanks so much for everything.. abbie, you've been an awesome best friend and sister to me for the past 12 years.. we've had our share of fights, but you've always been someone i could count on.. thanks to all of my close friends for always being there for me and supporting me.. i love you guys..
being the "new" one here, has really been an eye-opener for me.. back in s'pore i guess we were soo used to being in our cliques, we, or i, never really bothered to go out of my way to make someone new feel welcomed.. sure i'd go over and say hi and chat for a bit, make that person feel settled and that's about it.. but i now know that that's just not enough.. yes, you do try to make that person feel at ease, but it's not as simple as that.. i've learnt that being the new one, there's a tendency to feel left out.. don't get me wrong, the people here are great, and they try to make me feel like one of their own.. but it's just not that simple.. it takes time to really integrate oneself into a new environment.. you get along, feel comfortable with them, so that's it isn't it? well is it really? who's to say it is and who's to say it isn't? it's good to have a place where you belong.. but where is that place for me? do i even have one? i feel like a lost soul.. not yet settled here, but no longer a part of MPCC.. yes, i know, i still am part of MPCC, and i will always be welcomed there, but it's different.. so much has happened and changed over the past year.. things are different back there, and i'm different.. i can't just expect to waltz back into everyone's life expecting things to be just the way they were when i was there.. and so what if i do settle here? what's gonna happen when they go back home? i've got 4 more years to go, while most of them only have a year or 2.. and most of them are going back home or overseas.. like Noelle - she's so sweet, and super random.. but she always makes me laugh.. (thanks babe..) :) but she's leaving next year.. yes, she's still in Aust, but it ain't the same..

i guess i just like stability in my life - when it comes to friendships and all.. still looking for that closest / best friend here.. thought i found one, but guess not.. i love sharing with that person, and i respect and admire that person too, but oh well.. in God's time He'll bring me someone i can rely on.. in the meantime, i will just depend on God, cos He never fails, disappoints or abandons us.. He never draws us to Him, only to push us away when we feel we are getting closer and start to feel comfortable with Him.. that's just human nature.. :) but thankfully that's not God's nature..

oh well.. this was one super random post, cos i had no intention whatsoever of talking about all that.. haha.. but it feels good to get everything off my chest.. exams in 3 weeks.. aiks!! gotta start mugging and stop all my philosophical thinking.. haha.. enjoy the pics from ISM and have a great week.. love ya peeps!! God bless..